So, I didn't get to play Fable 2 this year. Part of it was time. There was always a line for it on the floor and I had something like 50 different DS titles to wade through. The other part of it is that I never played the original Fable, and so felt somehow unworthy.
Don't look at me like that! When Fable first came out, I had a terrible computer and no Xbox. When the Lost Chapters came out, I had an Xbox, but my computer was still terrible and I had no time to play it.
More to the point, I had no idea what Fable was really about. Nobody I knew left that game talking about a great story or even fun things they did, just how much of the promised features got cut and how it's weird your main character ages when no one else does. If there's something about Fable that makes it worth my time to go back and play now, you may inform me of this in the comments. Maybe I just had lousy friends. At the time, it just didn't seem like a game worth prioritizing.
Ah, but now Fable 2 is on the way. All I really know about the game this time is that you get a dog that makes Peter Molyneux speak very excitedly.
Right now the most attractive element of Fable 2, for me, is getting to have a dog. Hopelessly mundane? Yes, but you see, my house's yard isn't fenced in, so I can't really have a dog. I could play Nintendogs instead, but in Nintendogs I can not transmogrify my pet into a flame-spewing hellbeast by consistently performing evil actions. Basically, this game offers me the chance to be the Queen of Despair, ravaging the land with fire and sword in my improbable spiked armor, while also buying cute toys for my faithful venom-dripping monstrosity. These toys shall be used to play games of fetch. Evil fetch.
Nothing else about Fable 2 really grabs me. I can choose to have protected sex in a setting where technology still permits practical use of the crossbow? Really? Is it magic protected sex? Is Fable II seriously heading into Book of Unlawful Carnal Knowledge territory? Even better: can I run around dungeon-crawling, the ooze of orc-brains on my boot, while also nine-months pregnant? What happens if my water breaks while dragon-slaying? Can I tote around a Scroll of Summon Midwife? Yes, I could dodge this problem by playing a male character, but that seems to defeat the point of playing an RPG about creating your own fictional avatar.
And, honestly, the idea of having a faithfully loving househusband and child in my game is just kind of distressing to me. I have enough anxiety about being a good wife as it is, I don't need to worry about whether or not my career as a wandering skull-crushing brigand is making my imaginary husband feel inadequate, or is setting a bad example for my imaginary child. Even if I opt out of having a virtual family, presumably there is some sort of virtual dating scene I have to worry about instead. Look, dating was stressful enough that I ended up deciding to actually get married so I wouldn't have to deal with it. Making me virtually date in a video game that is otherwise about monster-stomping feels like a violation of the "no backsies" rule I like to imagine life having.
Now, it is of course possible I entirely underestimate Fable 2. The controls sound great, and as you'll see from the screen gallery coming up, the graphics are sharp and beautiful. I like the game's emphasis on freedom, of course, but I like that in Fallout 3 while also knowing roughly what the Fallout 3 setting is about and how it's relevant to what I do in my game. Fable's Albion is one I don't know much about. As a result, I don't feel a deep desire to go visit that world and run around in it. I care more about what I'm going to do with my dog in Fable 2 than what places I'll go and what things I'll see. I don't know if that's a misfire, or if Peter Molyneux knows more about what games I want to play than I ever would have imagined. After all, while Fable 2 is below Fallout 3 on my internal Stuff to Play list, it's undeniably there this go-round.
